The Mystery of the Pashmina

If you live in the northeast, some woman close to you, be it your wife, girlfriend, or some other relative, likely received a Pashmina scarf for the holidays. Oh, I’m sorry, I meant they received a Pashmina. Unlike other articles of clothing, like leather gloves, or silk pajamas, the Pashmina is only referred to by the one singular word, much like Cher.

For those fortunate enough to be uninformed as to what a Pashmina is, it is a large scarf made from a particular type of cashmere. Those lucky enough to own such a majestic creature of God can wear their Pashmina in a variety of different ways, be it as a shawl, or tied around the neck and so on. While women who own them believe the Pashmina to be the ultimate symbol of grace and beauty, in reality a woman wearing a Pashmina is the female equivalent of a man walking around with a bath towel draped over his shoulders. As with any status symbol, Pashminas are expensive and people happily pay up to $500 for what amounts to an oversized napkin.

Worse, Pashmina owners refer to their blessed articles like they are actual children. Women say things like, “I think that dress would go well with my Pashmina,” or “Your Pashmina reminds me so much of mine,” or “I love my Pashmina more than my husband.” One owner in Dix Hills, New York reportedly wanted to enroll her Pashmina in day care. Others routinely arrange for babysitters for their Pashminas, or secure them in separate closets where the Pashminas won’t have to face the indignity of having to co-exist with other less desirable articles of clothing. Equally troubling is that due to the wondrous versatility of the Pashmina, most owners wear their Pashminas constantly. Said one husband in response to an inquiry as to how often his wife wore her Pashmina, “You know Linus and his blanket? You get the idea.” Finally, as if the Pashminas were not irritating enough, from a man’s perspective the only function Pashminas serve is to obscure women’s breasts.

Pashminas are such a hot item that misinformed individuals have organized groups to travel to the Himalayas to hunt for the Pashmina, which they believe to be a soft pelted animal with a striking resemblance to a cross between a goat and Joan Rivers. Of course, those on the Pashmina hunt are the same people who spend their summers in the uninhabited areas of western Ontario fishing for gefilte fish.

The lure of the Pashmina is a mystery to any sane individual. However who knows, maybe next winter men across the country will be strutting around town wearing terrycloth bath towels across their shoulders with smug, satisfied looks on their faces.

by: Scott Shuster